Monday, May 10, 2010

mother, i

Mother's day - my first on the celebrated-side of the fence - and I'm amazed just how poignant.
(They like us, really really do - or today they make a point to mention it, with flowers.)

I also attended the baptism of a beautiful baby-friend (Heidi) and so happened to be in church (!) on mother's day. Fortuitous. Rus was home with Wyeth (who's had a run of fussy days as we await tooth 2) and so had some quiet pew-moments of ordered peace, and god-sanctioned praise and truly felt the guts of the holiday.

And, because I was tired and the minister wasn't above the emotion of it all - he was baptizing babies for god's sake - I had a little cry for my mom (lost to ALS in 2002), my sister (lost in childbirth 4 years ago, mom-in-making) and for all moms - also lost or uncelebrated and for the celebrated ones too, we all deserve.

Could I have know 17 months ago (Wyeth now 10 months so 10 + 9) what this would give/take/entail/provide?

Yee gods no.

But it's a daily miracle and MOTHERING - the daily as well as the extraordinary of it - should be an all-caps verb.

Here's a note from my diary of Feb 18 2009 - having just found out Wyeth (just "baby" then) was/is a boy):

Finally, 37 years-in and I hand over the reins.
Miracle of universally-sanctioned growth, of ownership with the strangest price and extraordinary in the mostly-till-now ordinary of my body, interloper in dialogue of me.
A being, or state, so far beyond mere body-hood, so much more and intrinsically divine.
I will have a boy.

Happy Mother's Day all.


Gaby said...

Courtney, This post is so touching. Your thoughts of your mom and sis and the poems all very poignant-and beautiful. G

Nina Henning said...

Hi Court. Thanks for sharing your poignant Mother's Day thoughts, and glad that you managed to have some quiet moments to remember your mom and Linds. See you sometime in July, I hope! xo Nina